return my video game
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
