i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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