OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
