Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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