I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
