I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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