you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
