Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
