Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
