Your tits are I can't wait for
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
