I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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