you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
