this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
