dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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