Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
