remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
