So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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