It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
