i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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