Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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