he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize