I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
