I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
