My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize