my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Let's get the cat blown out
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
