I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
porn star boner night. come get it.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Houston, we have a blender
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
