I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
