Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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