Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
