I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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