Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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