I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
