we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
