Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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