honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
