hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
