no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize