he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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