the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
