So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
