I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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