So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Duck Duck Cougar?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
