You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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