so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
