So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
