her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
