I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
