she looked like the before picture.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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