then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
