I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
