You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize