Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize