btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
