you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
