: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
