By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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