Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
