the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
