Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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