awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
