I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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