Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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