She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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