He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
