I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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