Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize