But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
