Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
