Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
