on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize