there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
