i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
