So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
