i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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