hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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