Betty ford says i'm here all night
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
