Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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