We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
