If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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