false alarm. still invincible.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
