Please, let me fuck your mom
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
