I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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