She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
