Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Randomize
