I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize