A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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