well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Two words: blizzard sex
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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