dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
cat food counts as protein by the way
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You took a bar mat shot.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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