I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
