Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
