I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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