We're facebook friends in real life
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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