My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
