Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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