I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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