im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
