Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
