guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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