***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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