He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize