Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
