Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
